Like most wacky thoughts I have, this one started in the shower. Maybe it's because I have one foot in dreamland and another in reality, or maybe it's because I haven't eaten for ten hours. Whatever the cause, I got to thinking, what if Santa were real? At least real enough to make the news. Imagine Santa on CNN, Fox News, even the Wall Street Journal.
If Santa were real, I think we could expect headlines like this:
"Homeland Security Ellicits Santa's Aid In War On Terror"...Known for his state-of-the-art survellance equipment, Santa is the latest world-power to join the War On Terror.
"Santa Accused of Favoring Judeo-Christian Ethics"...In a suprise move, Scientology officials accused Santa for favoring those considered "good" by Judeo-Christian ethics. The officials demanded more representation for Scientology and other world religions in Santa's moral classification.
"ACLU Sues Santa For Alleged Widespread Privacy Violations"...Warning that Santa is a widescale privacy threat, the ACLU has sued Santa in an attempt to prevent him from using survellance or monitoring equipment within U.S. borders.
"Santa Switches To Immitation Coal"...After terror groups used the carbon-rich coal delivered to their stockings to make bombs, Santa decided to switch to "immitation" coal to prevent further problems and to "promote a healthier, cleaner environment."
Posted by enigma at January 18, 2004 09:57 PM"Santa Wins Key Defence Department Contract"...Tapping into the wealth of information as well as the cheaper labor, Santa (NASDAQ: JOLLY) announced that they have won a key Department of Defence contract for stealth weapons delivery and navigation systems.
"Postal Service Switches to Santa Transportation Technology"...In a bold cost saving measure, the Postal Service has contracted with Santa to guarentee accurate and on-time delivery of priority mail.
Posted by: KaT at January 18, 2004 10:30 PM