I bet you didn't know that I'm a world famous soccer player for the German national team. Really, it's true. Just listen to this audio clip from the third place game (Germany vs Portugal) from the world cup this year. I clearly hear the announcer say "just praising Christoph," don't you? See, I'm famous!
Just in case you aren't convinced, let's listen to this objective clip from a recent interview on Public Radio International's show "The World." That's right, I make the news. :-D
Maybe it's just me, but when I hear the name of the tea "Constant Comment" I immediately think, "the tea for nagging wives." Lisa just bought a box of the tea and she doesn't seem to find my joke nearly as funny as I do--even though I reassure her she does not fall in the "nagging wife" camp.
What makes this joke even funnier (if you accept the whole "tea for nagging wives" business) is that Bigelow claims "Constant Comment" is "America's most popular specialty tea." I just think: "We create a specialty tea for nagging wives and now it's America's most popular tea!"
Or maybe this is all a result of my sick sense of humor. :-P
I'm still plugging away at this seemingly never-ending qualifier. Emily likes to come in the office and play while I'm working. I think she just likes my presence. Today, I asked Emily if she could sit at my computer and write my paper for me while I play. She sat down in my chair with a smile and looked at me sheepishly and said, "Daddy, I don't know which letters to push. Which ones are the right ones?" I said, "That is the problem, isn't it?"
So I'm still hacking and hacking and hacking on my qualifier. It finally seems like all the writing has come together into something cohesive. There aren't very many funny things about writing a research paper, but I'll take any sort of entertainment I can get. There is a programming environment for teaching called Alice. The key paper describing this was written by Cooper et al. So, every time I cite this, I end up with something that looks like "Alice [Cooper 2000]". Yup, "Alice Cooper." Is this really all that funny? Probably not, but hey, just keep looking at it over and over and it will get funny after a while. Trust me.
Lisa and I were browsing around the Dollar Store and came upon yet-another-cooking-gadget. Seeing that I'm a sucker for gadgets--especially cheap motorized ones--I couldn't resist buying a motorized drink stirrer. Seems simple enough. Stick it in your drink, turn it on, wait, turn it off, take it out. Who needs directions!? Lisa, being more of the read-the-directions type, actually turned over the packaging and then started laughing. Go ahead, read the directions. I guess you can't expect perfection for $1.
You read it right. A Firefox crop circle (photos here; slashdot post here.) Is your LUG this crazy? You just have to love our LUG here at OSU. I only wish I had more time to participate. I did make it to the Firefox weather balloon launch.
I like cola. I like cola a lot. I just don't like paying a lot for it, so I buy Shasta Cola. Shasta doesn't taste as good as Coke, but it's good enough to get the job done. Recently OSU switched from being a Coke institution to being a Pepsi institution. I grudgingly ordered some Pepsi to go along with my combo. When I took my first sip, I thought to myself, "This doesn't taste like Coke, but it is strangely familiar." A few sips later I thought, "Hey, this tastes like Shasta!" Are there any Pepsi drinkers out there? Do you think Shasta tastes like Pepsi? Or are my Coke-centric tastebuds desensitized to the finer points of Pepsi.
Emily was riding in the car with me on our way to Bible study when she asked, "Daddy, are we going to Andrea's house tomorrow?" I said, "No Emily, we are going to Andrea's house tonight for Bible study and then we'll see Andrea over the weekend when we go camping. We'll also see ...[I list 10 of her friends]...." Emily paused for a minute and then said, "Wow! That's a big pile of people! We're going to see a big pile of people when we go camping!"
I'm not quite sure where she picked up the phrase "big pile of" anything, but aside from a moment of panic between "pile of" and "people", it was pretty cute.
Nothing like bit of carbonation for the easily entertained. Just consider the Diet Coke and Mentos frenzy we've seen. Sure, there's lots of videos to choose from on Google Video or YouTube, but you haven't seen anything until you've checked out the video at eepybird.com. According to this article, Mentos is thrilled over the publicity and might even hire the eepybird.com guys. How about Coke? Coke doesn't think it fits the "image" of Diet Coke. I guess Diet Coke is too boring. ;-)
We have very fancy rigs in the new classrooms in the new engineering building: the Kelley Engineering Center (or KEC for short.) Each "command center" for all the media devices (computer, overhead, DVD player, etc.) has a touchscreen to control turning devices on, playing, switching devices, etc. Someone was thinking when designing this system because there is a "Hide" button so the teacher can blank the screen temporarily to write on the whiteboard without being illuminated by the projector. I imagine, the same designer was trying to be helpful when he added the little note at the bottom of the blank screen: "To show image, press 'Hide' again." Now that's real intuitive! :-P
When I was scanning down the list of podcasts on GodCast, I saw a very unexpected entry: Klingon Word. Yup, that's right. A podcast devoted to reading the Bible...in Klingon--straight out of the KLV (Klingon Language Version). I guess there's some teeth to the argument that podcasts support "non-traditional" media. :-)
On a side note, it's funny because it seems like every few words is English. I guess Klingons don't have words like "propitiation". If you, like I did, wonder why someone would do this, you can always read the brochure.
I saw a funny VW commercial when I was watching TV this evening. I dumped a copy of it out of MythTV for your viewing pleasure. Watch it here. (6.1 MB, 60 sec)
Dave West wrote about drive through ordering problems and that reminded me of something...
I almost always order my drink without ice. This habit started about 6 years ago in college. For some reason, when I lived in Southern California, actually getting a drink without ice was somewhat of a feat. I've gotten more than one baffled look at the request of "no ice." It seems that people's brains are hard-wired to put ice in cups, so no amount of re-requesting can keep them from it. After all, it's hot outside, why wouldn't one want ice?
Enter Oregon....I haven't had a "no ice" problem up here. My theory: it's all about the weather. A freezing drink on a freezing day just doesn't sound good. Either that or the "Big Ice" (the step-child of "Big Tobacco") hasn't effectively pushed their wares up in the northwest. Of course, there's the "something is in California's water" theory. That would explain a lot of other things.
Lisa was in Rite Aid today. Lisa decided to buy Emily a treat, so Lisa told Emily, "Give it to the lady so we can pay." Emily handed it the cashier and said "Here lady!"
Emily said, "Make me a bundle of trouble, Honey." What a nut.
This merits a little explanation. We will wrap Emily up in a blanket to make her "a little bundle." After Emily figured out that she really, really liked this, she would keep requesting to be a "bundle". One time after I wrapped her up, I asked her, "Emily, are you a bundle?" She said "Yeah." I said, "A bundle of trouble!" and she just laughed. However, the "bundle of trouble" stuck.
Even more parsing.... I call Lisa "Honey," so naturally, Emily started calling Lisa "Honey" too. Sometimes she calls Lisa "Mommy" and sometimes "Honey." It's pretty funny.
So once again, "Make me a bundle of trouble, Honey!"
"Trains don't eat, but they do choo." Ouch. Who comes up with this stuff? Fire the writers for Sesame Street!
I was at Fred Meyer the week after Christmas and they were clearing out their whole inventory of Christmas goodies. I stumbled upon a gimmicky Rudolph shaped lollipop. The stick of the lollipop was clear plastic and housed a red LED. The point of the pop is to pull out the paper tab battery guard and lick Rudolph into oblivion while the stick blinks with delight. Naturally, at 75% off, I had to buy this for Lisa.
I brought the pop home and present my cute present to Lisa with delight. She was, as usual, happy when I showed up with sugar in tow. Although, she didn't seem nearly as fascinated by the wonders of modern electronics as I was.
The next day, Lisa decided to pull the tab and eat the pop. Emily, our little distruct-o, begged to play with the stick and promptly lost the tab. I showed up from school to find a blinking lollipop stick lying around the living room. That was Thursday. It's still blinking. It's been six days. I find this somewhat disturbing. Now I'm starting to wonder if it's housing a minture camera that's recording my consumer habits.
Somwhere, in a dimly lit laboratory, a brilliant scientest was working out the perfect combinations of chemicals to produce the ultra-efficient LED. Meanwhile, a lollypop marketing "executive" was in a drunken stuper after yet another executive "brainstorming session". If only the company could just find that one product to save them from going under. And now, thanks to the blood, sweat, and tears of a scientest and a strange confluence of events know as the "captitalist soap opera," the world is perkier place. After all, what good is science if it can't make a better lollipop.
According to the proponents of graduate school, we should seek post-graduate education to have a better life. After all, with an advanced degree we are in better position to work on our true interests. You don't want to dig ditches for a living, right?
With nobel thoughts of education in my head, and grand thoughts of whitening my collar, I set off to grad school. Now, with one year behind me, I realized it's a ploy. Don't believe it for a second.
My first hint should have been my trip to the bookstore. By the time one of the friendly "book purchasing assistants" assisted me, my arms had fallen off. Then, I had to carry my books (and my arms) to the car. Fortuanately, some ancient laborer invented the backpack. We have spruced it up, made it snappy, and branded it "educational". So now, I can distribute the pain across my entire upper torso, instead of localizing it to my arms.
My second hint should have been "papers". As a grad student I read all kinds of academic papers. I even have to write a few papers to contribute to "the body of knowledge." Little did I know I would have to print out the entire body of knowledge and carry it around. Now I realize that "body" isn't simply a figure of speech.
With my books strapped to my pack and my papers in my hand, I was merrily making my way to my car when I realized that I'm a grunt. Somehow I missed the apex of the ideal work distribution and went sailing right down the other side. I'm like the guy I saw carrying buckets of concrete to the masons working on the new OSU bookstore. Except, I'm paying for the privilege instead of being paid.
Dr. Budd, my advisor, gives me some hope for the future. I realize that once I'm a professor, I'm allowed to store the "body parts" on lots and lots of shelves in my office. I can even bless some of my students by allowing them to carry some parts around for a while. Once I have my advanced degree, I'll finally get someone else to do the manual labor instead of me. So maybe, after all, getting a graduate degree is all it's chalked up to be.
I just bought a notebook computer. It's an HP zt3000. It's great! I recommend it to anyone. Yesterday, the computer arrived at my door. So, what's the first thing I do? Fire up the wireless and surf the web.
Throughout history, man has sought to create machines to perform his labor. In the process, man created giant calculating machines to aid him in his pursit. As the machines have shrunk in size and price, man has realized his ultimate goal: to efficiently do nothing, and do it quite comfortably. And with a great battery, nothing can last a long time.
Now, all I need to do is invent a time machine that can give me more time to do nothing....
[Yes, this new computer isn't helping the apathy problem. It's time to just dig in and get stuff done.]
This week I've been struck by how late it's been staying light outside. Sometimes a feeling of amazement begins to well up inside of me until I remember...daylight savings time kicked in. Once again, I've been tricked. Decieved. It's not really 7:30, it's 6:30 and we just pretend it's 7:30.
It's funny how we categorically redefine time twice a year. But what's more funny is that this seems normal and we all go along with it. Not just the US, but countries all over the world.
Not everyone is enamored with this giant social experiment. Take Indiana for example. Being practicle people, they keep things simple. The state remains on Eastern Standard Time all year long. Unfortunately some fringe counties observered the time-change frivolity of their neighbors and chose to adopt daylight savings time. So, 5 counties on the south-eastern side follow eastern daylight savings time. Not to be outdone by their neighbors, and probably as a result of a drinking game, 6 counties in the north-west and 5 counties in the south-west, decided to adopt daylight savings time AND an entirely different time zone! So, Indiana observes four different time zones: EST, EDT, CST, and CDT. Yes, even their children make websites to help understand the madness. Somewhere I can hear an Amish mother explaining to her child that this time zone insanity is a product of following the ways of the "English."
So, don't be fooled. Tricked. Taken advantage of. Don't set your watch to the wrong time and then systematically accept it. Better yet, when people ask you the time, take the opportunity to give them the "correct" time. I bet they'll be surprised you did.
Do not be fooled! Do not become a victim of misinformation. Don't believe everything you hear on the news or read online. Oregon is not having gorgeous weather with beautiful, cloudless skys. It's the winter. That's the rainy season. Despite what the weather channel may be reporting and that obviously phony doppler radar, it's pouring in Oregon--even snowing. In fact, most people have not seen the sun in months. Beware, and most of all, keep away!
Remember, California is the "Golden State", full of beautiful sunshine. You don't have to worry about a "cooling trend". California has "culture" and "diversity" everywhere--in fact, try to find any piece of land without something on it. You don't have to worry about what wild animals might be lurking out in nature. Things are laid back in California. Even on the way to work, people just kick back and take it slow. And there's nothing more enjoyable than a good BBQ and a swim during the pleasantly warm months of July, August, and September.
Remember, do NOT move to Oregon. Do not be taken in. Stay in California and share it with 30 million of your closest neighbors. Enjoy it. What the Oregonians don't know can't hurt them.